A New Born Ruckus

It’s never easy to start things out of the blue, a lot of thought has often gone before that. As in my case, it’s finally time to begin the fight with the pickings of the brain. Turn the pickings into something. Something to be able to read, to be felt and whatever else. All stories start out of dust, as if nothing went before that. You came to the right place if you’d like to read about something raw – emotions, struggles, and more. Time to let the passions fly and let my voice be heard.

I’ve never managed to conform to whatever set of rules govern the social world, all the trying has left me exhausted. Born out of a set of parents who escaped the destroyed and oppressed Poland before the fall of the Berlin Wall, I’ve struggled trying to find my identity. They found their way to the Netherlands, after the West-Germans refused to give them a place to stay. This is the place where I was born, eventually. As the middle, and most rebellious, out of three boys.

Going to school was a harsh endeavour, being a son of two soils is never easy. Especially if you’re more sensitive than most children. Primary school was an up-and-down ride on the roller-coaster, this was the time I had friends as well as foes within my age category. This was when my nerdy character started to be built – I was fat, unathletic, an avid reader and a gamer. I was the one making the animal noises and the one being a ruckus in class in general. I mostly spent my time with books about WW2, geography books, nature and whatever else. Gaming was like a passion, C&C games like Red Alert, the Ratchet & Clank trilogy, Runescape and more.

My path then continued at the lower educational bracket of the Dutch educational system, the VMBO or “pre-vocational education”. The first year was hell, burning in a lake of fire for the reasons we shall explore. That was when I started to become a loner. The second year was alright, but the last two years went by with me having no friends whatsoever. At age 15, I got my label after years and years of psychological screening. Years of questions followed as I’ve been left alone to seek the answers on my own. The major disturbance of class has become one of the top students. I wanted to show them that I’m not the dumb person they thought I was.

History continues with tertiary education, I went to a vocational school (MBO) and got the necessary training to become a financial administrator. Those were 3 good years, I got some people around me (even though I didn’t spend much time with them outside of school). I pushed on to the university of applied science level (HBO) and as of now I’ll be writing my thesis soon.

This blog will be centered around my past, whatever is happening now and the future. The past has shaped who I’m right now and the patterns of thinking I have. The now is questioning my sanity, as I’m trying to figure out what to do. And the future, oh man, what to do with it. From time to time I might mention the things I care about, music (bassguitar), sports (tabletennis and the gym) and of course, some good ol’ books. It’s about time you hear my voice, as I’ve been hiding it for way too long.

This is where it all starts, are you with me?

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